Are you trapped in the Helper’s Paradox?
What is the Helper’s Paradox?
The Helper’s Paradox states:
“The more a person NEEDS to help, the less able they are to help.”
Who does this paradox affect?
Healers, Coaches, Entrepreneurs, CEO’s, Therapists who want to be more visible for their work, but find they resist doing the marketing or promotion work to make that happen.
Also Artists, parents (usually Mom more than Dad.) and all the Helpers with a big heart; those who care.
What does it look like when you’re stuck in the Helper’s Paradox?
You always seem to be helping others instead of, or before, helping yourself.
You get sucked into people pleasing or over giving on a regular basis.
You often say “Argh, I need better boundaries!”
This pattern of putting others fist often means you leave your business growth or visibility work last, and you aren’t getting the traction or momentum you wan.t
You are the bottleneck to other people getting their needs met. The CEO, or Mom, who has all the answers, or isn’t delegating well, or is just trying to help everyone.
You have a big “Mission” or “Purpose” that is really “Needed” in the world. You don’t get days off.
You are completely “Indispensable” for a small, or large, group of other people.
You swing between helping everyone else, and then periodically lash out because you feel you are being taken for granted.
What does it cost you when you are stuck in the Helper’s Paradox?
Your book; or any other way you dream of getting your message and work out to the world.
Your purpose; is often sacrificed to help others.
Your finances; can be put to the side in order to help more people, or help those you feel really need it.
Your self; when the Helper’s Paradox goes unacknowledged for too long, you could end up feeling like you don’t know who You are anymore, leading to frustration or even resentment.
What will be different once you step out of this Paradox?
You will move from Obligation to Joy in your healing or helping work.
You will step out of the guilt the drama or feeling heavy, and step into ease, joy and fulfillment.
You will have more, and better, clients for your healing or coaching practice.
You will scale your consulting or therapy practice to the next level without burn out or overwhelm.
The Helper’s Paradox shows up differently for each individual. And I have found there are 3 main (very broad) categories of people that this issue most deeply affects.
Click for more information below.
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Are you hiding? Some of the best Healers in the world are still a “Best kept secret”.
But why? I have found countless Healers who are doing everything they can to help everyone around them, and as a result they stay small or “hidden”.
That need to help everyone, has shrunk their business and energy to a manageable size so they never let anyone down, or get too energetically drained, in the process.
Click this link to discover the specific limiting beliefs that could be holding you back from feeling safe to be seen online, making your posts, video’s or starting your next project.Sign up here for a free “Align with ease and prosperity” energy healing session.
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The “Helpers Paradox” states that “The need to help destroys your ability to help”.
Does that make you cringe? Very likely it does. “Does that mean I shouldn’t help my child? They are 2!” or “But my family really DOES need me. That would be irresponsible.” or “Well if everyone in the world was that selfish society would collapse”.
Those are probably all true at some level. And that isn’t what the Helpers Paradox is about. This is about you being free to be. Free to be you, to give from joy, not obligation. To not have to work so hard on your boundaries, that they are just naturally there.
This is also about helping others to empower themselves.
But you can’t do that if you don’t have a firm grasp on your patterns of responding to NEED.
A lack of awareness of the Helpers Paradox holds many mom’s and care givers back from having the healthy boundaries and balance they need to empower their spiritual, mental and emotional growth.
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How do you scale without burning out? Of the Executive coaches, CEO’s, and Leadership consultants I’ve worked with, all of them have high performance tools at the ready. They are doing excellent work and getting recognized for it. But, they are also flirting with The Helpers Paradox.
This is The Helpers Paradox, stage 2. At this stage you are still dealing with that “Need to Help” pattern, but it shows up differently.
You’re still helping others instead of, or before, helping yourself. You’re still doing some people pleasing. And when you are honest with yourself, you are playing small to who you know you could be.
But, its not so obvious is it? You have a successful business, most people you know wouldn’t say you are dealing with The Helpers Paradox. They would say you have a big heart, or you’re an amazing person. This is all true. But you know that you are dealing with that push pull, tug of war, and its time to grow to the next level.
You need someone who can see past your current level of success, your ability to perform at a high level, to call you out when you step back instead of stepping up.
My clients call me a “Human B.S. Detector” for good reason. I can spot the lie quickly so that you can get on with your work, your spiritual life, and your family life.
p.s. - No meditation or no knowledge of chakra’s required, unless that’s your thing. This approach is a blend of psychology and energetics that is designed for the modern professional.
Select from the above what best describes you for more information.
Would you like to know a bit more about the Helper’s Paradox? Where it comes from? What causes it? What you can do about it? Check out some of my video library below.